Starting

I think it's fitting that I should try my hand at blogging now. My life is in such a state of beginnings and endings that it seems fair that I start yet another something.

That's kind of an interesting thing about me I guess. Everything is starting or stopping, everything or nothing, fantastic or horrifying. I have never had any kind of middle ground or ongoing anything. Well... I suppose that's less interesting than really, really sad.

Anyway, I'm trying this now as part of my "healing process." I recently tried to kill myself and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. Right now, I've decided not to use the drugs my therapist and family so desperately would love to see me on. I just can't do it yet. It would feel too much like giving up, and I do that far too often.

I guess I'm hoping through this to find some sort of community. Other people who feel as wrong as I do, which, I hope, would make me feel more alright. Also, I know I need to deal with all of my swirly feelings and up and down emotions, and writing has always been a good way for me to do that.

So. Now that I've started I can think of nothing to say. But I'll be back very soon and hopefully will have thought of something by then.